Finding Gilbert
by The.Wild.Thing.That.Was
Summary: After Russia defeated Prussia, Germany was left without a brother. In mourning, he can't live without him. But what if he could mourn enough to bring his brother back? Most likely gercest.
1. The Letter

**So this is my second Hetalia fan fiction, and I'm hoping that with it, I'll be able to do better than in my first one, writing wise. Reviews are loved**  
**(especially critique ones). This MIGHT turn into Gercest. I'm not sure yet, but when I started writing it, it looked that way.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia**

**Germany's P.O.V.**

I knew that I should've been worried when my older brother said that he was going to fight Russia, but somehow he convinced me that everything would be okay. That his strategies were more awesome that Russia's, and that he was invincible. They were just words spurting from his mouth, but I believed every word. I waited at home for my brother to come back. Now if only I had known that he wasn't coming back. If only I had known what news I would get one night in February.

_Bleeding hearts are strewn together._

_Memories can let us live._

_When parched lips whisper forever,_

_Memories, a life, can give._

My pen's tip tapped in a rhythmic manner against the pale sheet of paper resting below it, and before I knew it the paper had little black dots dancing across the surface. I sighed. Sitting here and tapping a pen wasn't getting me anywhere. If this went on then I would never get this business letter written. My mind was just wandering too much. Perhaps it was the atmosphere.

It was no use.

I scowled, disappointed in my lack of concentration. I reached a pale hand up to rub my neck muscles. What I needed was a distraction. Maybe I would just go to the kitchen and make some food.

I stood up, brushing my pant legs off. Toastbrot with butter sounded nice right now, and maybe some coffee. I went into the kitchen, placing bread in the toaster and starting up the coffee machine, pouring water in it's top.

My mine wandered back to the letter. I hadn't been able to do much at all since Gilbert wasn't around. The house seemed so empty. I suppose that for everything to be normal he would just have to come back.

I heard a knock at my door suddenly, and decided to go and see who it was, but when I opened my door to find one of my people standing there. He didn't say a word, but handed me a letter. A letter? "Is it news on my brother?" I asked, hoping it was.

The German nodded.

And so I took it…

And so I opened it…..

_Dear Germany;_

_It comes to our attention that you are family with the country Gilbert Beilschmidt. So it is out tragic duty to inform you that is no longer a part of this world and has passed on. We wish the best for your life._

_Anonymous _

And so I closed it….

This letter couldn't be right. Gilbert was gone? It had to be a joke, right? There is no way that Prussia could have fallen. "What does this mean?" I asked the German in disbelief.

The german shifted hisd weight uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Gilbert is gone, Ludwig." He said, voice barely there and trying to hold back tears.

It wasn't sinking in. How could my brtother have been defeated? It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense. The world was spinning. I had to sit down. I collapsed in the nearest chair. All I had to do wasw wait, right? He would come back, right?

"_You're delirious"_

Just wait right here, and he would show up, once again procaliming how awesome he was.

"_That's a fantasy, Ludwig."_

FUCK

DAMMIT

WHY?

This wasn't fair! He couldn't be gone! I motioned the German away, and shut the door. I just needed to sleep. I went to my room, crossing over to sit on my bedrested my forehead in my palms, and stared at my shadow cast by the moonlight. I was unsure of how I should be acting. "Sheisse." I whispered, then I screamed it. "SCHEISSA, WHY!"

I cupped a hand over my mouth, doing my best not to cry. I finally laid down on my bed. He was my brother, and I wouldn't ever see him again. I would just sleep with that delusional dream that he would be alive tomorrow.

My conciousness started to fade.

_"Goodnight West"_

I gasped, sitting up in bed and swearing that I had heard his voice. But concluding that it was my imagination, I sadly went back to sleep.

**Here are the few translations for this chapter, Toastbrot is Toast bread, and scheissa means shit. I hope you all enjoyed it, and again... Review!**


	2. Boo

**chapter two is up! Thank you for one review so far!**

**disclaimer: I own no part of hetalia**

**February 26th:**

I couldn't get myself out of bed. My body felt sluggish, and my head felt heavy. I laid there for what felt like hours before managing to get myself to sit up. Everything from yesterday night was weighing down on my brain like a boulder would on an ant. I forced myself up to the kitchen, and started making sausages, even though I thought it no use, because I wasn't hungry. I couldn't eat. I just couldn't.

**March 2nd:**

I had isolated myself by this point, not caring what the other countries thought of it. The other countries could forget that I existed, because right now I only existed in grief. I only wanted to see gilbert again.

**March 25th:**

Had it really been a month already? What was I supposed to do? Fuck...Fuck it all, I was crying now. A knock on my door snapped me out of it. I shuffled over, not really wanting to talk to anyone, but I had to bring myself to.

Behind the door was Austria, supposedly coming over just to say a quick word. "I just came over to tell you to get outside." He huffed. "Some of the countries are worried about you."

"I..." I paused, reaching up to rub my neck. "I know that. I'll work on it." By saying I'll work on it didn't make me have to do anything. It didn't set a time to stop my odd behavoirs, nor it it state a time that I had to start. The truth was that I was scared of healing, because that meant I might forget him.

Austria and I conversed a bit more, and then he left, leaving me back to my solitude. I shut the door, lonliness prancing through out my body, spreading through and numbing me.

_"Hey West, what's with that face? You should really cheer up, you know."_

My eyes widened. That voice! I knew that voice! "Gilbert!" I called, hoping he would answer.

Nothing.

No one answered.

"Now I'm losing it..." I muttered.

_"You aren't losing it."_

"Gilbert?" I called again, sounding desperate this time.

_"Alright, alright... I'm right here. Awesome, isn't it?" _

I could imagine his grin as he was saying these words, but I couldn't see him. I could only imagine what he looked like. "Where are you?" I questioned, trying to sound demanding even though I was so unsure.

_"That's for me to know." _

"Then how do I know if you're real, or if I'm hallucinating?" That's right. What if I'm just going crazy?

_"Heh heh, isn't it awesome? Am I real or aren't I? Looks like West has a mystery on his hands."_

Just great. He had resorted to teasing me. If he were a hallucination, that would be pretty pathetic. My own mind is bringing back someone I miss and having them tease me. Tch.

_"Fine, I'll show myself." _He said, obviously deciding that he was done with his little mental game.

Right then, before my eyes the strangest of things occured. He showed himself alright, but there was one thing off about it. He was see through.

**alright, there you have it. Hopefuly chapter 3 will be up soon, so stay tuned~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Bwahahahaa chapter 3! I hope you are all enjoying the story so far. Thank you for reviews :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. Just the ideas for this fanfic.**

My eyes shot open. What just happened? I sat up in bed, looking around with confusion.

Are you really him?Heh… you'll find out eventually~

That's right. Last night I had seen Gilbert, but it turned out that I couldn't tell if he was real or hallucination. He seemed so real, and full of every aspect of himself. Though, why was he see-through? Nothing made much sense right now.

I sat up, realizing that I had slept with my clothes on, how idiotic. Getting up out of bed, I found my way to the kitchen, to find someone there. "Elizabeta." I said aloud, wondering why she was in my kitchen.

She turned around, looking a bit flustered. "Oh, I was just… coming over to make you breakfast, you know… to apologize for the idio-I'm terribly sorry. I shouldn't call him that. I mean your brother's death."

I sighed. "Fine." I said, sitting at the table, hair hanging in my face. "Do what you must."

_Her cooking isn't awesome enough to apologize for my death. It sucks._

"Shhh, Gilbert, she'll hear you!" I hissed

Elizabeta turned around. "Huh? Who will I hear?" She asked, confused.

"Nothing! Nothing!" I said, flustering up a little.

_She can't hear me. Only you can._

I wrote down on a napkin: _that makes you sound like more of a hallucination then real._

_Heh…_

Gilbert showed himself again, walking over to Hungary, and putting up two fingers behind her head._ "Kesesese, I'm giving her bunny ears and she can't even hit me with a frying pan."_

Honestly, he was acting so childish.

Elizabeta walked over. "I made waffles. I'm sorry that it's nothing too complicated."

"It's fine…" I said, nodding in appreciation. "Danke."

"Your welcome." She said, eyes softening. "Are you doing alright?"

I looked at the ghostly figure of Gilbert standing behind her, and bit my lip. "I'm fine. Thanks again…"

"Alright." She said, smiling. "It's good that you're doing better. I'm going to go back home now. Take care, and enjoy the waffles."

As soon as she left, I turned to Gilbert. "Were those actions really necessary?"

"_Of course they were. I was having fun."_ He replied, a sly smile on his face.

I stood up, walking over to him, and tried to place a hand on his shoulder, but it

went right though him. "G-Gil!" I exclaimed somewhat surprised.

"_Oh… right, I forgot. No one can touch me." _He said, eyes saddening a little.

"East…" I murmured, looking sympathetic.

"_Don't pity me." _He said, shaking his head. _"I never want to be looked down upon."_

And so I didn't, or tried not to.

…

Even that day, when Gil looked so real, it still felt like something was missing, and I continued aching in pain. It still didn't seem whole, no matter how much I talked to his ghostly form.

Why couldn't I just get over this?

It was nighttime, and I looked out my window eyeing the stars. Wishing on a star… I had never done it before, but maybe I could give it a try tonight.

_I wish that Gilbert could be real again._

I shook my head. Those things don't actually work. I don't even believe in them. What was I doing? I sighed, crawling into bed. Maybe tomorrow things would look up for once. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

**Thanks again for reading, Review! Review! REVIEW! Thank you, and next chapter will be up ASAP.**


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